Monday, May 30, 2011

fade to black

from my bedroom window tonight
the picture changes little --
leaves hanging in a blue-gray heat-sky
that fades to black.

this weary mother's heart sighs;
tries again to un-furrow brow --
but every footstep in the night, every cry
tests what i am made of...

fade to black.
cut to the chase:
this heart so deep, so dry, so destitute --
i only want... I Only Want!

to bear a child is to sacrifice self.
cut that umbilical cord, and a woman dies.
i cry, "i never knew, i never knew..."
here in the dark, i see it's true.

yet i am more alive now than ever before.
three sons bear my names, my face.
all they know is all i've shown...
oh, God!!

set my footsteps. soothe my brow.
pull me from this bed of angst
and turn fear into holiness;
holiness into love...

as i fade to black.

come alive.


  1. frig! the "i never knew, i never knew..." is something you're helping me to learn. i'm sitting at my computer, envisioning myself with my own kids someday (who knows?) and, with my eyes closed and a heavy sigh, i tell myself, "i won't know 'til i'm there. i don't know, i've never known!". and it's a big deal to me! thanks for teaching me, thanks for sacrificing yourself for the boys. i know you have no choice. and i know sometimes it leaves you empty. but it makes you SO BEAUTIFUL!

  2. Hmmmm, taking this in and saying amen.