Tips gleaned from the life of Great Gramma Gladys.
One: Travel to the other side of the world on a huge boat filled with children, without any parents. If you can thrive there, you can thrive anywhere.
Two: Work out daily, following such regiments as the long-distance, dual water bucket relay... while expecting... each of your five children. Climb stairs every day until at least ninety-seven years of age.
Three: When each of your five children are born, and you've got cloth diapers to contend with, potty train rigorously. Like, wake-'em-up-at-midnight-to-pee-in-the-commode rigorously. Seems insane to us, but I bet it prevented them all from losing their minds.
Four: Brave the cold. It increases vitality and cuts down on heating bills. It also makes you a great mitt-knitter. (Anyone who's ever worn knitted mitts knows: there are good mitts and there are bad mitts. Great Gramma's mitts were warm. And anyone who's ever knitted mitts knows: warm mitts are hard to make.)
Five: Eat nutritious food. Always trim the fat from your steak... so that you can savour every delicious bite of it. "The fat's the best part," she always said. Never miss afternoon tea.
Six: Watch your portions. When restaurant staff pre-cuts the lemon meringue pie into sensibly-sized pieces, take note.
Seven: Be assertive. When restaurant staff pre-cuts the lemon meringue pie into sensibly-sized pieces, pick up that knife and cut your own huge slice.
Eight: Don't be shy. While cutting your own huge slice of lemon meringue pie, announce to all by-standers, “Those pieces aren't big enough.”
Nine: Go to church. Whether you find yourself riding the Sunday school bus, tuning into a televised sermon, or cheering on your great-grandchildren at a nursing home, go to church and listen up.
Ten: Indulge in simple things. Pink carnations are a good choice.
Eleven: Be content. Content in long, cold winters; content knitting mitts for five children and their kids; content with pink carnations. The key to contentedness? It's in the last two tips...
Twelve: Love much. And...
Thirteen: Trust Jesus, and talk to Him every day.
Yeah, that was thirteen tips. Great Gramma wasn't superstitious.
